Weekend Update: Trump Calls for End to Mueller Probe - SNL

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  • Published on:  Saturday, December 8, 2018
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  • The 1flym
    The 1flym  8 months ago +819

    I'm just saying if he's innocent he's acting like the most guilty looking innocent person in history

  • darknightoftroy
    darknightoftroy  8 months ago +137

    "Because Kelly requires extensive surgery to remove his palm from his face."
    This line was friggin golden.

  • Acer Maximinus
    Acer Maximinus  8 months ago +467

    Trump is so stupid that he thinks being Individual "1" means that he's the best individual.

  • Rich Winder
    Rich Winder  8 months ago +335

    'Twas the night before Christmas, and in the White House,
    not a creature was stirring, except for, the Chief Louse.
    The stockings were hung by the fireplace flue,
    in hopes of donations, and maybe a bribe or two.

    The children were sweating, behind a locked door,
    because their house guest, was Rotten Roy Moore.
    Melania, as always, went to bed early,
    with a headache or something - It made Donald quite surly.

    And as he was preparing to type, from atop his gold throne,
    on the newest of his strange, audio-glitched phone,
    there came a loud clatter, from out on the street,
    that got his attention, before he could tweet.

    He ran to the window, and drew back the drapes,
    and glimpsed on the lawn, some shadowy shapes.
    And out on the road, many cars were now parked,
    but, only a few, were obviously marked.

    The flashing red and blue lights, gave a lustre of doom,
    to the whole region - the house now felt like a tomb.
    And then to add, to the events of the day,
    Out popped Bob Mueller, from an FBI sleigh.

    The wizened old lawman, then raised to his face,
    his old favorite bullhorn, and it boomed out his case.
    "The place is surrounded, and all of you, in the home,
    exit right now, without resistance, not even an ohm."

    And in the background, their image a blur,
    with the sounds that they made, 'twas akin to a churr.
    But they were the "team", that pulled this sled of dread,
    in a harness of plea deals, stitched with live wire thread.

    Mikey and Mikey and Geo and Paul,
    Rick and Carter and Alex, et al.
    They are the reignrats who chose to sing,
    and yield this Trumpy trainwreck of a thing.

    Donald was worried, so he said with a moan,
    "Call up the Grinch - Get Vlad on the phone"!
    He told his ole buddy to please be quite swift,
    and send something fast, for a rapid airlift.

    But Putin said, " Donnie, you must help yourself-
    maybe you shouldn't have fired your elf".
    And as the line went eerily dead,
    Trump thought for a sec, and called the Senate instead.

    Mitch picked up, on about the tenth ring,
    and Trump blurted out, "My butt's in a sling!"
    The Majority leader thought about it quite hard,
    and said "It's a big one, to encase that much lard".

    And as Donalds heart, sank to his feet,
    He looked over to Matt, on whom he was sweet.
    But Whitaker, this time, was on his toes,
    and gave Don the bird, then up the chimney he rose.

    The family was huddled as the door gave way to the breach,
    and in walked Chris Wray, with a warrant for each.
    Then as they were served, Chris said with a drawl,
    "You knew this was coming, Merry Christmas to All".

  • LordKhabal
    LordKhabal  8 months ago +173

    Oh, I can’t WAIT to hear what’s in Trump’s counter report. I hope it’s as detailed, well-thought out, and meticulously executed as his voter fraud commission, his border wall plan, his investigations into Clinton, his claims of being wire-tapped, his negotiations with North Korea, his solution to rake the forests in California to prevent forest fires “like they do in Finland,” and his bombshell reveal of what happened “last night in Sweden.”

  • Leonaza7
    Leonaza7  8 months ago +664

    Trump bored at George H. W. Bush funeral. Why does Donald always sit like he's on the toilet?

  • nikki23000
    nikki23000  8 months ago +215

    Fake his own death via tweet 😭😭😭😭

  • Richard Owens
    Richard Owens  8 months ago +159

    John Kelly was a lousy babysitter!

  • Dan Webster
    Dan Webster  8 months ago +703

    Is it possible he read the report, didn't see his name and said... "Whew... totally cleared". (shh... no one tell him)

  • geno mccgeno
    geno mccgeno  8 months ago +77

    Poor trump, everybody at that funeral hated him. Don't worry Mr. "President", i'm sure everyone will much more cheerful at your funeral.

  • smb484848
    smb484848  8 months ago +561

    I'm dead. Sad!

  • Leonaza7
    Leonaza7  8 months ago +111

    Individual-1 has absolutely no idea he’s Individual-1. 😂😂 No one pointing that out to him and him not figuring it out on his own is the most Trump thing that ever Trumped.

  • Leonaza7
    Leonaza7  8 months ago +234

    Gonna have to push back against the idea that Kelly was a check on Trump. That would be like saying the guy who buys an alcoholic a beer instead of vodka is a responsibile sponsor.

  • King Yellowman
    King Yellowman  8 months ago +46

    Trump:"Sounds like that individual 1 guy is in a lot of trouble, but the report doesnt mention me. All clear"

  • Lukáš Skřivan
    Lukáš Skřivan  8 months ago +86

    Weekend update..the best part of SNL these days..intelligent, witty and sassy in a right way...love it!!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

  • danalexander
    danalexander  8 months ago +332

    Trump's never changed, it's always been about money

  • Masha Mitchell
    Masha Mitchell  8 months ago +386

    Mueller releases documents detailing the president is a traitor and said traitor starts demanding an end to the investigation into his crimes. This would be funny if it weren't really happening.

  • Buch
    Buch  8 months ago +181

    Trump will say and tweet anything to keep himself as president for 5 minutes longer. I have to hand it to the crusty orange bastard, he has no conscience.

  • Sarmaamy
    Sarmaamy  8 months ago +28

    Good to know that the facepalm surgery exists! I think we'll all need it before it's over. 😂🤣🤣

  • Team LA
    Team LA  8 months ago +98

    tRump announcing that he's producing a counter report to the Mueller report?
    O.J. did that with a book called "If I Did It".
    Be sure to ask him how that worked out for him.